Dating Myths Busted: Why Everything You’ve Heard About Love is Wrong

Let’s face it—when it comes to love and dating, everyone suddenly becomes an expert. Whether it’s your grandmother telling you to find someone “with a good job in the government” or your best friend swearing by their “hard-to-get” strategy, we’ve all heard our fair share of dating advice. But guess what? Most of it is dead wrong! Yup, I said it.

It’s 2024, and the dating game has changed, but some myths are still floating around like it’s 1982. Today, I’m taking it upon myself to bust these myths wide open, so you can stop listening to your cousin who’s been “single by choice” for five years and start dating smarter. Here are some of the most common dating myths—and the truth that’ll actually get you closer to finding real love (or at least stop you from wasting time at fake coffee dates in Kilimani).

1. “Opposites Attract”

We’ve all heard it. You’re a shy introvert, they’re a party animal—perfect match, right? Wrong! Look, I’m not saying you should date your clone, but if you and your partner are opposites in everything, good luck trying to watch a movie without fighting over Netflix choices.

Think about it. If you’re the type who loves spending weekends in bed binge-watching Kina, while your partner wants to attend every reggae concert in Nairobi, how is that going to work long-term? Sure, opposites can teach us new things, but shared values and interests are what make relationships last. Trust me, I tried dating someone who was wildly different from me once, and let’s just say I spent a lot of time pretending to enjoy camping. Me? Camping? Never again.

2. “You Should Play Hard to Get”

Ah yes, the classic. Make them chase you! Ignore their texts for two days, show up late to dates, be mysterious. It’s the Kenyan national dating anthem, isn’t it? But let’s be real, folks—ain’t nobody got time for that! Playing hard to get is just that—a game. And unless you’re out here trying to score points like Manchester United, games don’t belong in relationships.

The truth? If you like someone, let them know. If you’re not interested, be direct and save everyone the drama. Life’s too short for people to be out here waiting for three hours to see if you’ll reply to their “Hey” text. Trust me, confidence and honesty are way more attractive than pretending to be unavailable.

3. “There’s Only One ‘Soulmate’ for You”

You know that scene in every romantic movie where the lead says, “You’re my one and only”? Sweet, right? Well, also totally unrealistic. The idea that out of the 8 billion people on this planet, only one person is your perfect match is just setting yourself up for failure.

I mean, think about it: what happens if your “soulmate” lives in Brazil and doesn’t have a Facebook account? Does that mean you’re destined to be alone forever? Of course not! In reality, there are many people you can be compatible with, and it’s about finding someone you can grow with. So stop worrying that you missed “the one” back in high school and start focusing on the real connections you can build in the here and now.

4. “If They’re Not Immediately Interested, They’re Not Worth Your Time”

Okay, let’s break this one down. Have you ever heard someone say, “If they’re into you, you’ll know right away”? While there’s a little truth to this (I mean, don’t stick around if someone is clearly uninterested), love isn’t always instant fireworks. Sometimes, it’s more like slowly building a fire in your jiko—you start with small sparks before it catches and becomes something amazing.

I remember dating someone who, at first, wasn’t exactly sending me heart emojis. He wasn’t disinterested, but the chemistry took time to build. Fast forward three months, and we were inseparable! Not everyone is going to fall head-over-heels on the first date. Give it time, and if the person is making an effort, don’t be too quick to dismiss them.

5. “Men Should Make the First Move”

Listen, I get it. We were all raised to believe that the guy should approach the girl, pay for dinner, and basically lead the entire relationship. But in today’s world, we’re seeing more and more women stepping up and taking charge—and that’s a good thing!

If you’re interested in someone, why wait? Whether you’re a guy or a girl, go for it. I remember once being at a nyama choma joint with friends, and this guy I had my eye on was just sitting there, shy and quiet. I could have waited for him to talk to me, but I went right up to him and asked him to share a plate of nyama with me. Let’s just say, the relationship lasted longer than the nyama! The idea that men should always be the initiators is outdated. Take the reins!

6. “You Have to Be ‘Perfect’ Before You Date”

This one might just be the most damaging myth of all. How many times have you heard someone say, “I need to get my life together before I can date”? Or “I can’t date until I lose 5kgs”? Honey, stop putting love on hold until you reach some imaginary level of perfection. Spoiler alert: nobody’s perfect, and we never will be.

Yes, self-improvement is important, but love doesn’t wait for you to have the perfect job, perfect body, or perfect bank account. What matters is finding someone who loves you as you are, imperfections and all. If I had waited to be “perfect,” I’d still be single, scrolling through Instagram and pretending I didn’t want what everyone else seemed to have.

7. “Love Is Enough to Make a Relationship Work”

As much as I love a good sappy love story, this one’s a killer. Love is beautiful, but it’s not enough to sustain a relationship. You also need respect, communication, trust, shared goals, and a lot of patience. If you think love alone will get you through when your partner leaves their dirty socks on the floor for the 50th time, think again.

Take it from me, after one too many relationships where I thought “love will fix everything,” I realized it takes way more than that. It takes effort, compromises, and sometimes sitting down to have a hard conversation about things like finances, life plans, and how exactly they make tea without sugar (a true Kenyan crisis).

So, my dear reader, it’s time to drop the myths that have been holding us back. Dating is complicated enough without adding outdated rules to the mix. Whether you’re in Nairobi, Kisumu, or even chilling by the beach in Diani, the best dating advice I can give you is this: be yourself, communicate openly, and don’t let these old-school myths dictate your love life.

Now go out there, slide into that crush’s DMs, and remember, the only rule that really matters is finding someone who makes you happy (and maybe shares your love for Tusker or a good plate of chapati).